Insane

I think about you every day. Even when I don't want to, even when I'm happy. I also dream of you. I go to sleep hoping for a bit of peace to my mind, and there u r. Stuck inside of me deeper.I never imagined I would be able to continue living, to have a good time, and still miss. Something is missing, and I don't say what's missing, cuz I don't want to take the lack of anything. I've lost too much. 
Wherever you are, I hope you have no holes in the throat, in your heart, in hour mind, no pictures in memory. I hope you do not cry because of me, hope you do not feel my absence. I hope that at least one of us was able to stifle the feeling and actually follow through. I never imagined I would be able to continue living like this. But one day ... I hope everything is erased, because this ship is just too big for one person.
I don't wanna love you anymore, like I do. I don't wanna miss you. I can't suport this anymore. I never lived by appearances; I never hid my feelings. And now all I can do is live one day at a time and have the decency to not mess up your life.
I want to give up, I just don't know how, and I just miss you insane.